The Stanifesto

Rudy Giuliani - "Be Afraid"

Have you seen Giuliani's latest television spot? It's almost a commercial for an upcoming action movie in the Middle-East, but it teeters precariously on the edge. So I gave it a push.

Okay, first you need to watch the original. This is a real ad from a real politician who is really running for president of our country. No doctoring, no mashing-of-up, nothing like that. People made this sans irony.

Now you can skim through "Planet of the Arabs" which made it to the top of Digg three days ago. It's a compilation of Hollywood movies featuring vicious stereotypes of Middle-Easterners.

The two were clearly made for one another, so I got them drunk and they got busy.

Note some important improvements to the original advertisement:

  1. I removed the video footage of Benazir Bhutto. Some might consider it risky, since she was only tragically murdered a week ago, and might turn out to have been a "bad guy" after all. Oh, and Rudy himself was quoted saying, "I think it's inappropriate to see [her death] in political terms." So out it comes.
  2. Also, if you're kicking Arab butt, you need an action movie star. Inevitably, there will be a movie someday about September 11th starring Rudy Giuliani, focusing on he bravely prevented one of the greatest tragedies in our nation's history. But until that day, Chuck Norris is the go-to guy.
  3. Oh, and the end title needed to be in Trajan. Everybody knows that. Der.

Just on the off chance that Rudy happens to win the Republican nomination and subsequently the presidency, I've taken the liberty of already starting a "Pre-emptively impeach Rudy Giuliani!" petition over at Care2. Feel free to go ahead and make some protest signs, too. Oh, and somebody should tell CodePink.